A few seconds after I asked that question.

Lili stared blankly, her gaze drifting slightly upward as she tilted her head.

“……”

“……”

Silence filled the room.

A cold sweat started forming on my skin. My heartbeat gradually picked up speed. It felt like magma was about to erupt from my face.

I briefly considered playing it off as a joke, acting like I had asked it in a lighthearted way. But I barely managed to stop myself.

It was time to stop leaving things ambiguous.

I genuinely wished for Lili Ituka’s happiness. From the bottom of my heart. If she was still chasing after the shadow of someone who no longer existed… and if that person happened to be my past self, then I had to make her stop.

Blythe making Lili unhappy—such a thing must never happen.

No, it had already happened. I had left her behind, dying before she did. Damn, it made me furious.

The only sounds that reached my ears were our quiet breaths and the cheerful chatter of female students outside.

I simply waited. Waited for Lili to respond.

“……”

Her lips parted slightly—then closed again.

She covered her mouth with one hand, turning her gaze sideways. All I could do was wait in silence. No matter how uncomfortable this moment felt, I had no choice.

Lili was facing her own feelings right now. I couldn’t be the one to back down first.

After some time.

Her expression slowly changed.

She furrowed her brows, curled her lips slightly, and then turned her eyes toward me.

“Haa?”

What— “Haa?” That’s what she had been building up to?

What’s with that face?

Struggling to swallow my confusion, I pressed on.

“Wait, but—you, on the night I first slept in this room, you said that if it were Blythe, you wouldn’t mind if things progressed to marriage…”

“Oh, so you were awake after all? I thought I was talking to myself.”

Lili narrowed her eyes at me.

Damn it, did I just dig my own grave?

“…Sorry. I didn’t know how to respond, so I pretended to be asleep.”

“Fufu, don’t worry. It was just me talking to myself. But—”

After a brief moment of hesitation, she nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“I did think that maybe I wouldn’t mind being his wife.”

What?

What does that even mean?

Is this what they call a woman’s heart? No, this feels different.

My head was starting to spin.

“Wait, are you just saying this because I’m ten years old and you think you can get away with a vague answer!?”

“No, I’m serious. I wanted to be his family. If Blythe ever wanted children, I was prepared to be the one to bear them.”

That’s… quite the confession.

Not exactly a conversation meant for a ten-year-old. But right now, I was grateful for her honesty.

Still, this only made things more confusing.

“But you weren’t in love with him, were you?”

Lili took a sip from her herbal tea cup.

“No. Because love is supposed to be something dazzling, something that makes your heart race—it’s supposed to be wonderful.”

She placed the cup back onto the saucer.

A quiet clink echoed through the room.

“See? In Juanere’s plays, they always portray it that way. The moment you fall in love, the world looks more beautiful. You lose your appetite. Every time you see that person, your heart beats so fast you can’t even speak properly.”

“Haa, well…”

She was getting into it.

Not that I disliked those so-called ‘intelligence officer’ plays. The way Juanere’s character painted her love-struck world in shades of blood was quite artistic, even beautiful.

But right now, what mattered more was Lili’s confession.

“Ah, but on the night I was first brought here, my heart was pounding. Blythe was big, his face was scary, and he treated me roughly.”

“Oh…”

I had no words for that.

Lili tilted her head, her long hair swaying.

“Was that feeling love?”

“No, that was fear and anxiety.”

Don’t make me spell it out. You might not realize it, but this makes me want to cry from embarrassment. Seriously, why was my past self, Blythe, so lacking in delicacy?

“I see.”

So the idea that Lili might have had romantic feelings for Blythe was just my arrogance? If that was the case, fine. If all I had to suffer was a bit of humiliation, so be it. My pride might be screaming louder than a rooster in the morning, but that was manageable.

I moved on to the next topic.

“Then why are you so determined to avoid marriage? Ah, of course, I don’t mean Lawrence. That bastard is absolutely out of the question. He’s not worthy of you. But surely you’ve had good marriage prospects before? Haven’t you ever been proposed to?”

Lili’s expression clouded, and she pouted.

“…So now you’re teasing me for being a spinster…”

“Don’t joke around. I’m being serious. There’s no way you’ve never had a proposal.”

“Ever since Blythe died and I was placed under the direct authority of the knight order, occasionally, yes.”

The knight order? Not her senior disciples?

Why didn’t those guys court Lili? Were they blind? Should I gouge their useless eyes out?

Wait—

Was it because I had her live in the same room as me all that time?

Did they misunderstand because of that?

Damn it, Blythe. Stop causing problems even in your next life. This is just pathetic.

“Then why did you turn down all the proper marriage proposals?”

With a matter-of-fact smile, Lili answered.

“If I were to live my life as someone’s wife, that person could only be Blythe.”

And the conversation circled right back to where it started.

Feeling a slight irritation, I glared up at Lili.

“You’re just saying whatever because I’m a kid, aren’t you?”

“I mean it. But perhaps… Eremia, you’re still too young to understand.”

As if anyone could understand something like that.

Besides, I’m not a child. If you count my past and present lives together, I’m already well past that stage.

Lili shook her head and spoke again.

“Someday, when you find the answer, ask me again, Eremia. But for now, let’s end this conversation here.”

I let out a deep sigh and slowly stood up.

“Got it. It’s a bit early, but I’m going to grab lunch.”

Because I saw the flicker in Lili’s eyes.

Whenever she talked about Blythe for too long, she always ended up crying. She’d do it somewhere I couldn’t see—hiding in a corner of the room, or pretending she was sleepy and curling up in bed.

Did she really think I hadn’t noticed? Foolish disciple.

I sighed again.

This was why I still hadn’t asked Lili how Blythe died.

The answer was probably a long and painful one. And if she had to relive it all, I wasn’t sure her heart would hold up.

“Alright. Take care.”

“…Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For prying too much. I’ll be back by evening. Take it easy.”

Only guilt remained, knowing that I had made Lili cry.

But I had no idea that this day would turn out to be the longest one since I enrolled at the academy.