Episode 29: Reflection Meeting
Finally, my breathing began to calm. But my body still felt heavy, and my vision seemed to sway, leaving me nauseous.
“……”
My memories were hazy. It felt like I’d said far too much, blabbering on with blood rushing to my head.
“What’s wrong, Clay? Why’d you suddenly go silent?”
…No, it wasn’t just my imagination. Here I was, lying flat on the ground in utter defeat before this old man, unable to muster the strength to get up, stewing in my regrets. The old man looked down at me curiously, tilting his head.
The reason I couldn’t move was simple: I’d exhausted my strength during the duel and needed some time to recover. But the real issue wasn’t physical fatigue. It was the overwhelming shame that left me sapped of all motivation. The sheer embarrassment of it all made me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I’d spilled secrets I swore to take to my grave—things I’d kept buried deep inside—to this wretched old man.
—How pathetic.
The old man didn’t seem particularly bothered by my outburst, but that wasn’t the point. The fact that he didn’t react made it even worse. My thoughts spiraled into a chaotic mess. How could I have poured my heart out to someone I’d vowed to save? It was beyond uncool.
—What a terrible habit. I need to fix this.
Losing control of my emotions and blurting things out in the heat of the moment… How many times had I vowed to change this? Yet the problem persisted. It was almost laughable.
—Still, his reaction is just too dull…
I’d expected this old man to scold me after my tantrum. Instead, he was calm and composed. It felt strange. Part of me wished he’d mocked me outright—that would’ve been easier to deal with.
—At least I could have gotten over it that way.
My thoughts spiraled further into unreasonable blame-shifting. No matter how many times I replayed the moment, I’d said too much. I’d even revealed how I was repeating the past in a fit of emotion. Strangely, the old man seemed to accept it without much fuss. It was almost anticlimactic. Normally, someone would dig deeper into something like that, right?
—Well, if he doesn’t press the issue, that’s fine.
At this point, the future or the past hardly mattered anymore. Dwelling on this old man any longer was a waste of time.
“Let’s move on.”
“Oh, you’ve finally snapped out of it?”
With that self-reflection behind me, I felt enough strength return to my legs to stand. Seeing me rise, the old man chuckled heartily.
“Looks like you’re still six and a half years too early to beat me!”
“That’s an oddly specific number…”
“Of course it is. If you train diligently, you could surpass me in six and a half years—or maybe even sooner.”
“There’s no way that’s possible…”
Look at me now, sprawled out like this. It was hard to imagine a future where I could beat this war-hardened veteran blessed by a dragon in just six and a half years. I voiced my doubts, but the old man wasn’t joking. Despite the lofty praise he occasionally gave me, I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.
“Now that we’ve settled the rankings, it’s time to get serious. We’ve got a lot to do, and not enough time. I want to make real progress before you head off to the academy!”
“Do you always have to be so aggravating?”
His words grated on my nerves, but there was one thing he said that caught my attention.
“Wait a second, old man. Did you just say academy?”
“Hm? Yeah, I said it. What about it?”
His confused expression was perfectly reasonable, but I couldn’t let it go.
“You mean the Chronostaria Academy of Magic and Swords, right?”
“What else could I mean? Why? Is there a problem?”
The old man seemed genuinely puzzled, but I couldn’t ignore that word. Reflexively, I asked:
“Do I… have to go to the academy?”
The thought of going there filled me with dread.
Why? The word “academy” itself probably gave it away—it was the place where I’d died in my previous life. It was full of bad memories, a veritable treasure trove of trauma.
I really didn’t want to go. There were plenty of people I didn’t want to see again, and honestly, I’d rather become an adventurer and chase strength than relive those memories. But in this current situation, where I was expected to inherit the family title, such a reckless idea would never fly.
“There’s no avoiding it. The academy is where talented individuals—the future of this country—gather. It’ll be a great place for you to grow and be challenged.”
“Ugh…”
—He was right, of course. The old man hit me with cold, hard logic, and I had no argument. I’d known it all along. No matter how much I complained, my fate was sealed. I had to return to that academy.
“Do you really hate the idea that much? Or… oh, right. You’ve already been there before, huh? That does make it more complicated.”
The old man muttered to himself, as if my past life were the most natural thing in the world to him.
—If I react, I lose.
Determined to avoid further complications, I tried to distract myself.
“Can’t you convince Father to let me become an adventurer instead…?”
“Not a chance. Zeke’s dead set on making you the head of the family. What kind of fool would let go of a son he has such high hopes for?”
“…Of course.”
I’d known it was impossible, but hearing it out loud still stung. Just as I started to muster some motivation, reality reared its ugly head, and my anxieties returned.
—Will I do better this time?
Confidence? Not much of it. If I let my guard down, the same useless self I used to be might resurface. Who knew when I might slip up?
“Don’t worry so much. Didn’t I say we’d make progress before you head to the academy? If anyone gives you trouble, shut them up with your skills—just like I always did!”
“Unlike you, I’m a pacifist. I’m not about to go around picking fights.”
“…Seems like you had a rough time at the academy before, huh? Go ahead, tell me about it.”
Why does this old man so naturally accept my first life and just ask me about it like that…?
“Sigh…”
This second life was turning out to be far more troublesome than I’d anticipated. Yet, strangely, it didn’t feel all that bad.
—Will I be able to grasp the future I’m envisioning?
Still, my worries only continued to grow.