How long had I been like that?

My mind had gone completely blank, unable to think of anything. Slowly, I stood up, scraping my back against the door as I rose. Then, like a ghost, I began to walk across the room.

On the far side of the bed, there was a folding screen behind which Lili was hiding.

I staggered around the screen — and looked down at Lili, who had collapsed onto the floor.

...

Lili was sitting with her knees folded, covering her eyes, quietly crying.

She must have noticed me approaching. Yet she made no effort to compose herself anymore.

Because these were not tears that could be wiped away so easily. The carpet on the floor was stained in several places.

"Lili..."

Lili’s ears were flushed bright red. She looked up at me with tear-smeared eyes and gave a bashful smile.

"I'm sorry, Eremia. It's embarrassing, isn't it? Acting like this even though I'm an adult. You even went out of your way to leave the room for me."

"Ah, ahh, no... You noticed?"

It seemed she'd realized long ago that I was trying not to look at her crying face. I really was a fool. So much so it was ridiculous. I hadn’t changed at all from my previous life.

Could I... maybe touch her?

I slowly reached out my hand. Lili watched it curiously, but when I touched her hair, she neither pulled away nor showed any sign of rejection.

Her long, silky hair flowed through my fingers.

Ah, such a nostalgic feeling. I remembered. I could still recall it.

"Eremia...?"

...You’ve grown so much...

The words rose to my throat but couldn’t be allowed to escape.

"I'm sorry. I kept asking such insensitive things."

...

Again, tears started falling from her eyes.

What should I do?

Lili made a bitter face and hurriedly wiped her tears.

"Ahh, geez... You shouldn't be so kind to someone who's crying like this..."

"Don't worry about it. Let them flow as much as you need. I'll, ah, turn my back."

I withdrew my hand, turned around, and sat down on the floor.

"See, now you can't see my face. Also, I'm pretty forgetful. I'll probably forget all about today too."

"............Fu, fufu..."

"Hey, don't laugh! I'm telling you to cry! Let it all out like a waterfall! Squeeze it out!"

As I was about to turn around while saying that, Lili wrapped her arms around my head from behind, pulling me into her ample chest.

"Oh..."

It was big, soft, and warm like sunlight. There was a faint, fruity scent.

...You’ve really grown...

No, that’s not it, idiot! Get rid of those thoughts! She's your disciple!

"Eremia, don't turn around, okay?"

"Yeah."

Her whisper tickled my ear.

"Stay still like that, alright?"

"Yeah. I won't look."

Her face pressed against the back of my neck. Her cheeks were damp. Soft sobs still escaped her.

I thought. With my feeble mind.

Maybe it was time to reveal it — that I was Blythe.

If I spoke of something only the two of us would know, perhaps she would believe me. But if she didn’t believe, it would be a cruel betrayal.

And even if I told her — what would come of it? I had been Blythe once, yes, but now I was no longer Blythe.

A man in his forties and a ten-year-old — a vast age difference.

Adults and children have different bodies.

Commoners and royalty have different standings.

A sword saint and a student — like heaven and earth.

On top of that, even my way of thinking had changed. Everything was different. Eremi Oldingham was now simply someone who knew Blythe well.

At the very least, I was certain I was no longer the Sword Saint Blythe whom Lili was still chasing after.

...

It was frustrating. Maddening.

Why, why, why, why why why why why why why, did I have to die? Lili was right. The "form" of our bond didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter if we weren't husband and wife. If it made her happy, it was fine if she lived with someone else.

It didn’t matter if we weren't parent and child. If that’s what she wanted, I should have seriously considered being a family with her.

Remaining as teacher and student was fine too. It would have been enough just to live alongside her rather than making her so lonely.

Ah, I see now.

For the first time, I truly understood Lili’s feelings.

That’s why I was furious. At myself. At Blythe.

Why didn’t I stay by her side and watch over her growth? What kind of death did I meet that prevented me from doing so?

"Eremia...?"

Lili called me, her voice slightly nasal from crying.

Before I realized it, she was peeking at my face over my shoulder.

I gritted my teeth and realized I was crying too. In this child's body, I couldn't even properly hold back my tears.

"I-it's nothing!"

"...Are you crying with me?"

...

That wasn’t it. I wasn’t crying for Lili’s sake — I was crying for my own helplessness.

For the Blythe who couldn’t do anything back then, and the Eremi who still couldn’t do anything now. It was pathetic.

Lili quickly stood up and walked toward the kitchen space in silence. I thought she was giving me space, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

After a while, she returned, carrying two steaming cups.

I wiped my tears, got up sluggishly, and sat at the familiar dining table.

"Hot milk. There's no lunch, but this will warm you up."

"Thanks."

When I took the cup, warmth spread through my hands. It smelled wonderful.

Lili sat across from me.

"Once we've both calmed down, let's go to the dining hall."

"Yeah. Hopefully it’ll be less crowded by then."

"Right. — Are you hungry yet?"

"No, not really."

Quietly, we both sipped our milk at almost the same time.

Delicious. The milk was ridiculously good. I didn’t believe in God, but maybe this was God’s nectar. Just like Lili said, I felt a little calmer now.

"Eremia."

"Hm?"

"If you're still not very hungry... could I talk a little more about Blythe? Would you listen?"

"...I'm fine with it, but, well..."

She might cry again. And I had no way to stop her tears now.

Lili leaned her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. She averted her gaze, sighed, and murmured.

"I just feel like talking. You’ve already seen so many embarrassing sides of me, so I might as well pour everything out to you."

"I see..."

"It’s just venting though."

"I don’t mind."

Maybe now... I could finally learn it.

The cause of Blythe’s death.